LIFE’S WONDERS PRAISED IN SUGGESTIVE, ODDBALL, AND NONSENSE WAYS
As a counterpoint to my usual cynical antics, I’ve committed myself to a weekly, year-long discussion of my life’s joys. But, never one for the more traditional approaches, I intend to keep things a little off side, a tad outlandish, and always one foot outside of polite company.
I am a book slut.
No, I know; I’m sorry. That’s not very polite. Perhaps I should have said “bibliophile.” It makes me sound more distinguished, which I could probably benefit from.
On the other hand, I thought we were past slut shaming.
So, no, I retract my retraction.
I am a book slut.
Find me a mass market paperback, and I will bury my face in its leafy pages, breathing deep of that dark lasered print and paper aroma. New or old, it doesn’t matter; I take my folio bliss fresh or musty. Crisp and white or jaundiced-yellow? Again, I have no paper preference. I repeat, there is no discrimination in my dojo of pilfered pages.
Admittedly, I do pay tribute to the great book whore that is AMAZON, which, I suppose, makes my use of the word “slut” somehow more appropriate. But forget that. I still shop at brick and mortar stores as well, so save your hippie horse pile for someone else, dear friend. As there is no discrimination in my dojo, so too is there no judgement. In other words, leave your opinions at the door or up your ass – either way, I don’t want to see them.
Unless, of course, your opinions are about books: who to read, what to read, when to read, why to read. Do you prefer your print small or large? Do you favour hardcover over paperback? And if the former, do you leave the dust jacket on or take it off while reading? Actually, the last question is of dire importance – our friendship may be at stake.
What I’m trying to say is that my books come first. Always. You should know that at the outset.
And if you step into my house with an e-reader?
Well, you, sir or madam, can get right the hell out.
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