HOT DAMN #33 — Families Getting Back Together

LIFE’S WONDERS PRAISED IN SUGGESTIVE, ODDBALL, AND NONSENSE WAYS

As a counterpoint to my usual cynical antics, I’ve committed myself to a weekly, year-long discussion of my life’s joys.  But, never one for the more traditional approaches, I intend to keep things a little off side, a tad outlandish, and always one foot outside of polite company.

//FAMILIES GETTING BACK TOGETHER//

I like my wife’s family.

I mean, I really like them, because they’re kind of cool, and cool people are fun to be around.

Which makes me a pretty lucky guy, I suppose. After all, the whole “in-law” thing can really go sideways — it only takes one crazy sibling to ruin the whole affair. We’ve all heard the horror stories; hell, many of us have likely seen them in action or lived through them ourselves:

The Fam Jam, plus cookies and a corgi

The overbearing older sister who wants to know how you could possibly be pro-choice and don’t you know that killing babies makes Jesus cry, plus hellfire and stuff, #foreverpure

Or . . .

The younger brother who insists on hugging you for way longer than is appropriate and makes weird throatle grunts every time you make eye contact.

Or, worse yet . . .

The family dog who just hates you and either bites you or humps you, and then pisses in your shoes when you’re not looking.

Luckily, though, this isn’t my situation. My siblings in-law are pretty great. But, wouldn’t you know it, the two of them decided Southern Ontario was increasingly old hat, and so set off to explore the world. My wife’s sister went to Australia and New Zealand for a few years; her brother, deciding North Korea wasn’t scary at all, kicked it like a boss in South Korea for even longer.

But now they’re both back.

And I have to say it’s about damn time.

With them gone, the family seemed decidedly smaller. Now that we’re back to full size we can get drunk on tea and tell wildly inappropriate jokes about manly appendages. This is how life should be.

So keep your family close, folks. Otherwise they might leave you for koalas and kimchi.

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Did you miss last week’s entry on FINDING THE RIGHT SONG AT THE RIGHT TIME?  Catch up here.

For a full list of all HOT DAMNs, click here