HOT DAMN #34 — Prince Edward Island

LIFE’S WONDERS PRAISED IN SUGGESTIVE, ODDBALL, AND NONSENSE WAYS

As a counterpoint to my usual cynical antics, I’ve committed myself to a weekly, year-long discussion of my life’s joys.  But, never one for the more traditional approaches, I intend to keep things a little off side, a tad outlandish, and always one foot outside of polite company.

//PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND//

I don’t travel. I mean, ever. Of all the things I might do while away from work, travel is very low on the list.

But don’t I want to see Europe? Nope.

How about a tropical island, like Cuba? Again, no.

Maybe Australia, then — they have koalas there. Okay, yeah, but they also have spiders the size of your hand. In other words, all of my nopes. Nope, nope, nope.

It’s not that I’m not interested in other cultures; I’d just prefer to read about them instead of visit them. For me travelling is stressful. The last time I took a really long, travelling trip, I had the shits. Rather than learning about other cultures, I learned about toilets: from a backwoods New England crapper to the rocking, shit in the sea can of a Nova Scotian whale watching boat.

That’s me, looking like a schmuck, but still fly as hell with those grandpa shades

From time to time, though, I’ll stock up on Imodium and Pepto Bismol and venture out into the world.

My destination of choice? Somewhere quiet and without a lot of people. As my sister-in-law once said, “less socializing is best socializing.” One of these days I might even get that tattooed on my neck.

In other words, if I’m going to travel somewhere, then it will likely be a place such as Prince Edward Island (or PEI for you hip folk).  And, wouldn’t you know it, I was there two weeks ago.

Never been there yourself? Then let me fill you in. It’s a small sliver of an island and Canada’s tiniest province. Its biggest city, Charlottetown, has only 34,000 people. In the entire province, there are only 140,000 people. That’s like one city block in Toronto.

What else is there? Potatoes, for one. And lobster. Oh, and one very particular Canadian hero: Anne of Green Gables. Did you know that when I was sixteen I had a pretty big crush on Megan Follows, the actress who played Anne in three CBC movies? Yeah, I thought she was quite the smoke show (particularly in the 1985 sequel).

PEI is also where confederation was signed, which I guess is a pretty big deal . . . you know, if you’re into Canadian history.

Mainly, though, what draws me to PEI is its seeming simplicity. I feel like I can relax there, that I can stretch my arms and not have to care about anything. It doesn’t hurt that it’s a damn beautiful stretch of island. From its red sand beaches to its rolling hills, there’s really nothing quite like it, at least not for a non-traveller like me.

So you can have your fancy vacations to the Dominican Republic or to Amsterdam or to Brazil.

Me? I’ll take red sand and potatoes every time.

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Did you miss the last entry on FAMILIES GETTING BACK TOGETHER?  Catch up here.

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